IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
i hope for a better and happier life!:))
♥
Thursday, July 22, 2010
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010
WOWWWW! the last time i actually updated this blog was like more than half a year before! hahas! no wonder i had difficulties when signing in!
time really flies man, so much had happened in the last 6months, good and bad. the only one that comes to my mind right now is the lost of my closest kin. i really never expected this to happen, so suddenly. i bet no one really knows how i feel. the regrets towards him and hatred towards myself is something i really do not know how to face up to. cant put them all in words and dont even have the right person whom i can pour it out to.
pa, im really sorry for the past. since young, you always dote on me the most and try to get me whatever i wanted. although your temper really sucks and cant communicate with us in the right way, but i know deep down in your heart you still dote on us.
so like 4years ago, mum and you separated, and sis moved out too. leaving the 3 of us to live together. your temper became much better and i started to see you doing things for the family too. but i felt tt we were further then anything else. we rarely talk and stuff.
so that damn thing happened! on my birthday! we stayed with mum after tt and did not met you for like 8months. i really really really regretted for not contacting you even though the bad conditions i heard from others. i even gave attitude sometimes! i really wanna kill myself now! cant say how remorseful i am!
so i finally saw you on the first day of CNY, and it was really the shock of my life! you cant imagine the heartache i had when i saw you. sorry pa, really. sorry for not being by your side when you needed someone. and acted like some selfish fucker! sorry!
i tried to give you what you wanted but it was beyond my limits. im sorry that i actually doubt your words and i deserve to be killed for this! sorry for all the fucking attitude i showed you even when you're most in need. i even gave excuses till the very moment you're admitted into the hospital. it was till then when i woke up and hated myself!! but it was alr at the critical stage and there was nth i can do alr. the look you gave me when i saw you the first day you was admitted and the last time i see you conscious will always be in my mind. you gave me the 'sarcastic' look like i finally believe you and stuff. im really sorry pa. i really deserved to be slapped to death! and we even agitated you when you wanted to tell us what you simply wanted. days went by and i tried to visit you whenever i can. i was filled with regrets and i told myself i would do all i can to repay if you can recover, but sadly you didn't. the 3 days of funeral was the worst days. i was running high fever and did not have the energy to do my best for you. im really sorry. till now, i still hope that you left in peace rather then blaming us. i dont know if you heard what ive been telling you when we went to pay our respects, but i really hope you do. i want you to know how guilty i am and i would do better if im given a second chance. im really sorry pa, dont blame me ok. i promise to do the best i can in future. forgive me please. i love you pa.
i dont know why im on this topic. not the purpose of this post. just wanted to talk bout my current life, which is super stressed by year3 workload. and too tired for work. i cant get myself to study in peace, nor effectively or efficiently. i just get nothing right! FUCK IT!
time really flies man, so much had happened in the last 6months, good and bad. the only one that comes to my mind right now is the lost of my closest kin. i really never expected this to happen, so suddenly. i bet no one really knows how i feel. the regrets towards him and hatred towards myself is something i really do not know how to face up to. cant put them all in words and dont even have the right person whom i can pour it out to.
pa, im really sorry for the past. since young, you always dote on me the most and try to get me whatever i wanted. although your temper really sucks and cant communicate with us in the right way, but i know deep down in your heart you still dote on us.
so like 4years ago, mum and you separated, and sis moved out too. leaving the 3 of us to live together. your temper became much better and i started to see you doing things for the family too. but i felt tt we were further then anything else. we rarely talk and stuff.
so that damn thing happened! on my birthday! we stayed with mum after tt and did not met you for like 8months. i really really really regretted for not contacting you even though the bad conditions i heard from others. i even gave attitude sometimes! i really wanna kill myself now! cant say how remorseful i am!
so i finally saw you on the first day of CNY, and it was really the shock of my life! you cant imagine the heartache i had when i saw you. sorry pa, really. sorry for not being by your side when you needed someone. and acted like some selfish fucker! sorry!
i tried to give you what you wanted but it was beyond my limits. im sorry that i actually doubt your words and i deserve to be killed for this! sorry for all the fucking attitude i showed you even when you're most in need. i even gave excuses till the very moment you're admitted into the hospital. it was till then when i woke up and hated myself!! but it was alr at the critical stage and there was nth i can do alr. the look you gave me when i saw you the first day you was admitted and the last time i see you conscious will always be in my mind. you gave me the 'sarcastic' look like i finally believe you and stuff. im really sorry pa. i really deserved to be slapped to death! and we even agitated you when you wanted to tell us what you simply wanted. days went by and i tried to visit you whenever i can. i was filled with regrets and i told myself i would do all i can to repay if you can recover, but sadly you didn't. the 3 days of funeral was the worst days. i was running high fever and did not have the energy to do my best for you. im really sorry. till now, i still hope that you left in peace rather then blaming us. i dont know if you heard what ive been telling you when we went to pay our respects, but i really hope you do. i want you to know how guilty i am and i would do better if im given a second chance. im really sorry pa, dont blame me ok. i promise to do the best i can in future. forgive me please. i love you pa.
i dont know why im on this topic. not the purpose of this post. just wanted to talk bout my current life, which is super stressed by year3 workload. and too tired for work. i cant get myself to study in peace, nor effectively or efficiently. i just get nothing right! FUCK IT!
♥
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
damn eff-ing long since i last updated! =)
had been rather busy recently. life was crap i guess? school from mon to fri, then work on weekends. not enough rest and tts enough to kill me man.
im beginning to neglect schoolwork and i feel so lousy. even when im not working, i also cant really sit down properly to finish my tut or assignments. wth right? now im thinking if i've made the right choice to take up this job. not tt it's really tt bad, but i feel tt i've really changed after i started working. like the way i look at things, many many things. even the way i behave i think? worst still, drifted away from family and friends. i dont know what to do now. guess i'll continue working for some time more till i get through this period, before i quit and resume my normal life. HOPEFULLY, fingers crossed.
i really dont wanna end up like what mum said, 'liang bian bu zao an'. like nowhere here nor there in work or school. ARGHHH!
k la, i wanna rest for awhile then gonna prepare for powerhouse tonight alr. guess i'll be super shag, cause gonna go to school straight after club wish me luck=)
had been rather busy recently. life was crap i guess? school from mon to fri, then work on weekends. not enough rest and tts enough to kill me man.
im beginning to neglect schoolwork and i feel so lousy. even when im not working, i also cant really sit down properly to finish my tut or assignments. wth right? now im thinking if i've made the right choice to take up this job. not tt it's really tt bad, but i feel tt i've really changed after i started working. like the way i look at things, many many things. even the way i behave i think? worst still, drifted away from family and friends. i dont know what to do now. guess i'll continue working for some time more till i get through this period, before i quit and resume my normal life. HOPEFULLY, fingers crossed.
i really dont wanna end up like what mum said, 'liang bian bu zao an'. like nowhere here nor there in work or school. ARGHHH!
k la, i wanna rest for awhile then gonna prepare for powerhouse tonight alr. guess i'll be super shag, cause gonna go to school straight after club wish me luck=)
♥
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
friday night met up with shimin and shuni. went to pool-ed for awhile, really laughed our asses off during a few instances la! hahas. then slacked all the way at mac till shuni's bf and his friends came to pick us up and off to buangkok i think? to buy lanterns and stuff. they went to eat after tt, and the 3 of us enjoyed eating the pomelo or 'PAMELA' that we bought!! headed to mustafa aftermath to get sparkles, and i was damn fascinated by that building! damn lotsa stuff can! gonna go back there to get the watch sooonnn cause i persuaded mummy to pay for me!! YEAHH!!=) over to a park in sengkang after tt to celebrate MOONCAKE FESTIVAL! had fun!! had 'breakfast' then home sweet home! and i skipped meeting!!!!
was dragged to wake up on sat, prepared, and headed to granny's!!=) know why? cause it was mummy's bdae celebration!! wheeeee!! slacked awhile and off to pub. really had 1 great night with them man!!=) after soso long.... hahas!
sunday woke up late, slacked all the way, prepared then HM to meet relatives! had dinner, walked around, then settled at the coffee shop! home sweet homed not long after=)
today was dragged up again, prepared then off to yishun. shopped ard then had mummy's bdae dinner with everyone else!! IT'S MUMMY'S ACTUAL DAY!!! then had a small surprise for mummy. went to buy flower and cake, then wanted to surprise her, but guess it was ruined by my blur aunty la. damn funny!!! hahas. LOVE THEM ALL!!=) homed after tt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST MUMMY!! thanks for all that you'd done for us. LOVE YOU!!!=) muacks.
was dragged to wake up on sat, prepared, and headed to granny's!!=) know why? cause it was mummy's bdae celebration!! wheeeee!! slacked awhile and off to pub. really had 1 great night with them man!!=) after soso long.... hahas!
sunday woke up late, slacked all the way, prepared then HM to meet relatives! had dinner, walked around, then settled at the coffee shop! home sweet homed not long after=)
today was dragged up again, prepared then off to yishun. shopped ard then had mummy's bdae dinner with everyone else!! IT'S MUMMY'S ACTUAL DAY!!! then had a small surprise for mummy. went to buy flower and cake, then wanted to surprise her, but guess it was ruined by my blur aunty la. damn funny!!! hahas. LOVE THEM ALL!!=) homed after tt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST MUMMY!! thanks for all that you'd done for us. LOVE YOU!!!=) muacks.
♥
Friday, October 02, 2009
wed night went powerhouse with sis, shimin, shuni, and her bf and friends. music was great but i think they played trance too early!=( had fun though. but my legs are still aching now! hahas!
yest woke up, prepared, then off to meet jiewei at dhoby and cathay to meet the rest. watched surrogate. nice movie!!=) din expected, thought it would be quite boring cause it's about robots! hahas. after tt slacked at macs awhile and home sweet home!
today accompanied sis to bukit panjang to get her pay, but wasted trip cause the cheque is not ready yet. wth right? dunno how to inform her earlier. then came home for dinner. YUMMY!=)
yeah gotta go prepare and meet shuni and shimin to slack alr. bye all! LOVES=)
yest woke up, prepared, then off to meet jiewei at dhoby and cathay to meet the rest. watched surrogate. nice movie!!=) din expected, thought it would be quite boring cause it's about robots! hahas. after tt slacked at macs awhile and home sweet home!
today accompanied sis to bukit panjang to get her pay, but wasted trip cause the cheque is not ready yet. wth right? dunno how to inform her earlier. then came home for dinner. YUMMY!=)
yeah gotta go prepare and meet shuni and shimin to slack alr. bye all! LOVES=)
♥
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
went to work from 1-6pm after so long. 1 week work for 5hrs only? WTH!!! need to find another job alr. lobanglobangssss!
after work went to look for chiayang and co. at tpy, cause he got his license alr!!=) then went to send the rest off and ate at 848. came back to hougang after tt, picked xiang up then off to plaza for billard. sis and justin came after tt, continued playing then home sweet home.
today went to kgarden with sis, sang till my voice turn hoarse sia. hahas. justin came after tt, sang all the way till 8pm, had aston's for dinner then homed.
yeah, im gonna slp early today. cause i've been slping for only a few hrs for quite a few days alr. needa recharge!!!!=) so, nights all!
im feeling quite dulan now, cause i dont like ppl to chu pattern with me! _I_
after work went to look for chiayang and co. at tpy, cause he got his license alr!!=) then went to send the rest off and ate at 848. came back to hougang after tt, picked xiang up then off to plaza for billard. sis and justin came after tt, continued playing then home sweet home.
today went to kgarden with sis, sang till my voice turn hoarse sia. hahas. justin came after tt, sang all the way till 8pm, had aston's for dinner then homed.
yeah, im gonna slp early today. cause i've been slping for only a few hrs for quite a few days alr. needa recharge!!!!=) so, nights all!
im feeling quite dulan now, cause i dont like ppl to chu pattern with me! _I_
♥
Sunday, September 27, 2009
am thinking if i should update on all the past few days or just forget bout it and talk bout today. but prob is i cant really recall what i did! hahas.
hmmmm, monday i went over to grandma's i think? then tues went to get pay then off to meet yanyan to shuni's chalet. stayovered. wednesday off to club with shuni!=) went to powerhouse first but that stupid girl forgot her ic, cant go in, so we went over to phuture instead. the music suck but i still enjoyed myself with her!!=)
thurs i stayed at home? fri went to watch phobia2 with sis and bro at amk, then met greg at raffles while waiting for the rest. celebrated weihao's bdae at boatquey and headed home after tt. it was one great night man! first time drinking with most of them! funfunnicenice!!=) cant wait for the next time man! hahas.
yest went over to grandma's again, slacked over there again. and i received the second letter alr!!!=) came back to hougang quite late at night, played billard then home sweet home=)
am very tired now. but i wanna go out cause im super bored!!! =(
PHOTOS WILL BE UP WHEN I RECEIVE THEM!!!!=)=)
hmmmm, monday i went over to grandma's i think? then tues went to get pay then off to meet yanyan to shuni's chalet. stayovered. wednesday off to club with shuni!=) went to powerhouse first but that stupid girl forgot her ic, cant go in, so we went over to phuture instead. the music suck but i still enjoyed myself with her!!=)
thurs i stayed at home? fri went to watch phobia2 with sis and bro at amk, then met greg at raffles while waiting for the rest. celebrated weihao's bdae at boatquey and headed home after tt. it was one great night man! first time drinking with most of them! funfunnicenice!!=) cant wait for the next time man! hahas.
yest went over to grandma's again, slacked over there again. and i received the second letter alr!!!=) came back to hougang quite late at night, played billard then home sweet home=)
am very tired now. but i wanna go out cause im super bored!!! =(
PHOTOS WILL BE UP WHEN I RECEIVE THEM!!!!=)=)
♥
Monday, September 21, 2009
hahas. im sleeping so late everyday, no wonder my complexion is getting worst and worst la! =(
today met ming, brad and norman over at novena, then over to TTSH to visit ong jiewei! tt poor boy is admitted due to appendicitis. hahas. bought him a card, went to his ward and stayed there for the whole visiting session=) acc him to talked, cocked(made him laughed when he wasn't supposed to cause his wound hurts! hahas), took pictures, and left ard 7plus. the 2 irritating boys went to have dinner while i headed home. super early can=)
after tt slacked at home all the way, then met sis and bro at HM for mac supper again. FATFATFATS. omg! hahas. i wanaa slim down, back like before! dont wanna be labelled FAT! hahas! =(
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!=)=)
I CANT UPLOAD PICS CAUSE BLOGGER IS HAVING PROBLEMS!!! ARGHHHH!
today met ming, brad and norman over at novena, then over to TTSH to visit ong jiewei! tt poor boy is admitted due to appendicitis. hahas. bought him a card, went to his ward and stayed there for the whole visiting session=) acc him to talked, cocked(made him laughed when he wasn't supposed to cause his wound hurts! hahas), took pictures, and left ard 7plus. the 2 irritating boys went to have dinner while i headed home. super early can=)
after tt slacked at home all the way, then met sis and bro at HM for mac supper again. FATFATFATS. omg! hahas. i wanaa slim down, back like before! dont wanna be labelled FAT! hahas! =(
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!=)=)
I CANT UPLOAD PICS CAUSE BLOGGER IS HAVING PROBLEMS!!! ARGHHHH!
♥
Sunday, September 20, 2009
in the end, all celebrations were cancelled=(
so went out with telvin. he came to pick me up and off to cathay. ate, then watched THE UGLY TRUTH. the show is damn funny and 'dirty' la. hahas. after tt went over to his friend's chalet for awhile then back to HM to meet sis for supper. homed after tt=)
im really super tired but im still not sleeping yet. god knows why. hahas.
seriously seriously seriously, please show me what true friends are. i really need to see them man. some may appear to be, but i really dont know if they're anot. those tt i really see as true friends and is willing to do anything for you guys, please dont disappoint me.
i dont like ppl to talk about me behind me back, infront of me. _I_
FAMILY IS STIL THE BEST!=)
so went out with telvin. he came to pick me up and off to cathay. ate, then watched THE UGLY TRUTH. the show is damn funny and 'dirty' la. hahas. after tt went over to his friend's chalet for awhile then back to HM to meet sis for supper. homed after tt=)
im really super tired but im still not sleeping yet. god knows why. hahas.
seriously seriously seriously, please show me what true friends are. i really need to see them man. some may appear to be, but i really dont know if they're anot. those tt i really see as true friends and is willing to do anything for you guys, please dont disappoint me.
i dont like ppl to talk about me behind me back, infront of me. _I_
FAMILY IS STIL THE BEST!=)
♥
Friday, September 18, 2009
today didn't need to go to work again cause sales wasn't good. shit man, if this continues, i can eat shit alr. i wanna find another job! who have lobang let me know kaes!! THANKSTHANKS!=)
not going to meet the usuals for movie cause im super broke! =( but most probably will be meeting MMT to cele yy's 21st tonight at ALPS! i really wanna go, cause it's been long since all of us had a proper drinking session together alr. but im broke broke broke. howhowhow??=( hope money will drop from sky sia! hahas.
yeah, seriously need a proper job la. best if it's simple and easy, with a high pay!!! hahas. dreaming huh=)=)
k la, nth much to say alr.
